Are Men Romantic?

We too often define “romantic” in women’s terms – sending flowers and cards, saving mementos and putting them in a box or scrapbook, gushing over chick romance movies, or listening to romantic songs all day.

Men may not do these things, but many men (straight or gay) do something more romantic than all that: they keep their love in their hearts forever.

My survey of 3000 men and women worldwide who tried reunions with lost loves MenRomanticasked, “How long did it take for you to get over your lost love?” Responses from the men indicated that they took significantly longer to get over their lost loves than the women. Some of the men were not satisfied with the survey choices: the last choice listed was, “Over 10 years.” Only men crossed out all the choices and wrote, “I never got over my lost love!” While no doubt some women never got over their lost loves, either, only men wrote this comment on the survey.

Adolescent boys are “not supposed” to cry over lost loves. But many of my male participants reported that, after their high school sweethearts broke up with them, they cried in private, every night, for months.

My rekindled romance findings about romantic men paralleled results of my survey of adults who never tried lost love reunions. There were significantly more men than women who chose to fill out the survey, and they expressed strong feelings for their first loves, even though they had not contacted these people (and may never do so).

Posts on the Member Forums at my web site, Lostlovers.com, are more represented by women than men. But appearances are misleading. Actually, there are more men who are members of my site than women. The men don’t post as often as the women, but they are reading!

Men more often sign up for private phone consultations with me, to talk about their lost loves, than women.

But it is a rare men’s magazine that will print a story about love and romance. Editors tell me that “men are uninterested.” Not so! When my romance research was quoted in Playboy, there was a lot of positive response. I was recently contacted by a men’s magazine and did an interview about my romance research, but after I saw that it was turning into an article solely about sex, with no love aspect at all, I declined to be included; how sad that the magazine could not include a few lines about the importance of teen romance for men.

On occasions where romance is expected (such as Valentine’s Day, birthdays or anniversaries), we should all remember to separate emotions from behaviors. Men may not make scrapbooks of mementos of their love experiences, but they are every bit as loving, loyal, and yes, romantic, as women – and sometimes more so!

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Dr. Kalish was recently a featured guest on a popular radio show out of Ireland, The John Murray Show, when the topic was first loves. Click the link below to hear the complete episode.

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Total running time is 49 minutes, 16 seconds